im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
