he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
