And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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