i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
