Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
