If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize