When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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