When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
