I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
