he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
