im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Randomize
