it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
