it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
