Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
