My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
