Taylor Swift is so right about you.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
