I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
