If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
