i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
