she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
