My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
