the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
