It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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