If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
3 2 1 whiskey
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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