end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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