man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
