My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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