so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
