I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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