best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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