is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
