The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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