hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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