Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
