Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
