I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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