How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize