I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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