Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
