you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
