I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
