i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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