I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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