You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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