My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
