ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
