She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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