we have officially mastered the walk of shame
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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