Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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