Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
