Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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