Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
