she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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