Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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