There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
