i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
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