So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
