my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
