i will never coherently bang her
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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