Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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