You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
