I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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