Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
