i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
