I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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