dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Randomize
