at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize