Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize