dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
