My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
