its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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