Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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