Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
