Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
