did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
stop calling my apartment porn island.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
