the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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