i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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