We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
