Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
