I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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