I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
