I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
