Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
