I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
