Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
