if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he fucked my hip out of place.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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