Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
