Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
