Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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