he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
