so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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