To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
