the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
