He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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