Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
