the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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