So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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