they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
