I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
ugly people sure do ruin things
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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