I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
