New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
