Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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