he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she peed on how many people?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
