then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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