He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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