Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He better not be in your backpack
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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